Highly Insecure People and their behaviour

 https://www.cnbc.com/2023/05/11/psychology-expert-shares-toxic-phrases-highly-insecure-people-always-use-and-how-to-respond.html

A psychology expert shares 7 toxic phrases ‘highly insecure’ people always use—and how to deal with them

Francesco Carta fotografo | Getty

As a leadership consultant who studies workplace psychology, I’ve spent more than 30 years helping thousands of individuals navigate tough relationships.

I’ve found that one of the most difficult personality types to deal with are highly insecure people. These are the folks who find comfort in stable and predictable environments. They prefer security and despise changes. But change is a necessity for success.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen many teams and organizations fail because of a highly insecure person standing in the way. The first step to preventing things from getting worse is to know how to identify them.

Are you dealing with a highly insecure person?

Here are seven things highly insecure people say when they sense that change is coming:

1. “I don’t have time for this. My other priorities are more important.”

Usually, it’s not that they don’t have enough time; it’s that they don’t know how to manage it effectively. And they rarely have any deliberate or mindful strategies of how to prioritize their tasks.

2. “I’ve already tried this [or something similar], but it didn’t work.”

This claim is often a complete lie. Insecure people don’t try new things. They mostly talk about trying new things at best.

3. “This is just another way for management to cut jobs.”

Highly insecure people who don’t believe they’re validated and appreciated at work can become paranoid. They may suspect that someone, most often those in leadership, are out to “get” them.

4. “This is a stupid idea. Everything is working fine as it is.”

When a highly insecure person has a strong and dismissive reaction to a new initiative, it may be a sign that they realize they will have to put more effort into their work, and they feel threatened by it.

5. “This might work for others, but it’s not for me.”

Insecure people are big on inflating how unique they are and how special the conditions surrounding their work are.

6. “Can’t we think of something else? I’m not feeling this.”

This is usually an attempt to stall and completely avoid any real change or improvement. The alternative way the insecure person suggests is usually more or less a continuation of the same behavior. 

7. “It’s obvious that whoever came up with this idea is clueless about the complexity of my work.”

If a person claims that what they do is too difficult and can’t be comprehended by someone else, it only means that they actually don’t fully understand what they do. Or they may be avoiding being transparent because they have something to hide.

How to handle a highly insecure person

The most important thing you can do is to develop a sense of compassion for your insecure colleagues. Having dark, negative thoughts about them won’t get you anywhere.

Find a balance between being supportive and exercising tough love. Maintaining a sense of positivity and composure, but don’t show that you feel sorry for them. Insecure people often react without any deeper thinking or understanding of what they’re reacting to.

If they only get a comforting response from you, it could make them believe that they are right to be fearful or reactive, and not interrogate why.

And don’t accept excuses. It will only make it easier for them to stay stuck in their ways. Instead, follow this mantra: “An excuse is a claim, and a claim needs to be proven to be true.”

Ask questions to poke holes in their argument, and get them to identify what is actually true in this moment. This method can help them see that their excuses may be standing in the way of what they can accomplish if they face their fears.

Stefan Falk is an internationally-recognized executive coach, workplace psychology expert, and author of “Intrinsic Motivation: Learn to Love Your Work and Succeed as Never Before.” A McKinsey & Company alumnus, he has trained over 4,000 leaders across more than 60 organizations and helped drive transformations valued in excess of $2 billion. Follow him on LinkedIn.

Hardware, AI

 3/28/23: https://finance.yahoo.com/video/data-driven-ai-gives-companies-194632368.html

Data-driven AI gives companies an 'exponential advantage': Researcher

Buddhism: Can I chant "nam-myoho-renge-kyo" silently from inside during a bus trip? Would it count as my daily practice?

https://www.quora.com/Can-I-chant-nam-myoho-renge-kyo-silently-from-inside-during-a-bus-trip-Would-it-count-as-my-daily-practice


Nam myo ho renge kyo, essentially means "I dedicate my life to the mystic law of cause and effect". It is one of the most practical spiritual approach I have encountered and it taps your inner potential, giving the confidence to face every obstacle and day to day life problems.

I will try to answer your second question first. Daily practice does not ONLY include chanting. Nichiren Buddhism is a three way path - Faith, Practice & Study. Lacking in any of them may shaken the believe.And it is said to be not the correct way of practicing.

 Faith - No doubts at all. I hope it works ?.... No !! It WILL work. It has to. Trust the gohozon and nam myo ho renge kyo. Faith in itself will bring you a sense of satisfaction that I am safe. I am protected.

Practice - This aspect may not be same as other forms of spirituality. But, Nichiren Buddhism has a very important mode of self development  through attending the monthly discussion meetings,chanting Nam myo ho renge kyo,daily Gongyo & home visits, that offers great encouragement and warmth by fellow members. It is very inspiring to see how other people take effort to walk by your side when you are in trouble. Rare , isn't it ? :) Nam myo ho renge kyo has the immense power to transform your current life.

Study - As this practice believes in Karma. It is very important to read and understand the teachings of lotus sutra that we MUST apply in our daily lives and make a difference to our life, family,friends and society. 

Nichiren Buddhism includes the above three and to practice right, it is important to do all of these.

Answering the first question. Yes you may chant silently when ever it is not possible to chant aloud. As NMHRK will bring up your life state where ever you are. But chanting loud is also important and to understand more, instead of explaining further, I would first request you to try chanting aloud and see the difference in your thought process and how the mind comes at ease :) .Our mind tends to be more focused. Chanting with the right attitude is definitely more important. Have faith in gohonzon and clarity of what you are seeking and chant . Daimoku should not be desperate, it should be powerful :) . When we are feeling low, it may not start with the right conviction. But chant. With faith in heart. It will. 

I am practicing since 5 years and grown leaps and bounds. :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Years ago I was lead to believe that to practice Nichiren’s Buddhism correctly, one had to attend meetings and belong to an organisation. Nowadays I’ve come to understand that anyone, regardless of whether they become a ‘member’ of a group or not, can benefit from their own personal practice.

The reason for this is that the Law of myoho-renge-kyo represents the identity of what some now refer to as the ‘unified field of all consciousnesses’. In other words, it’s the essence behind all existence and non-existence, the ultimate creative force behind planets, stars, nebulae, people, animals, trees, fish, birds and all phenomena, manifest or latent. All matter and intelligence is simply waves or ripples manifesting to and from this core source. Consciousness (enlightenment) is itself the true creator of everything that is, ever was and ever will be, right down to the minutest particles of dust, each being an individual ripple or wave. The big difference between chanting ‘Nam-myoho-renge-kyo’ Nam = to awaken and align with one's inner-self) and most conventional prayers is that instead of depending on a middle man to connect us to our state of enlightenment, we’re able to do it ourselves by tapping directly into it by way of self-produced sound vibration. On the subject of ‘what or who is God?’, when we compare the concept of ‘God’, as a separate entity that is forever watching down on us, to Nichiren’s teachings, the true omnipotence, omniscience and omnipresence of what most people call ‘God’ is our enlightenment, which exists nowhere else but within us. When the disciples asked Jesus where the Kingdom of God is, didn’t he tell them that it was within them? Some say that ‘God’ is an entity that can never be seen. I think that the vast amount of information that is constantly being conveyed via electromagnetic waves gives us proof of how an invisible state of what many call ‘God’ could actually exist. It’s widely known that certain data being relayed by way of electromagnetic waves has the potential to help bring about extraordinary and powerful effects, including instant global awareness of something or mass emotional reaction. As well as many other things, it’s also common knowledge that these waves can be used to detonate a bomb or to even enable NASA to control the movements of a robot as far away as the Moon or Mars. However, none of this is possible without a receiver to decode the information that is being transmitted. Without the receiver, the information would remain impotent. In a similar way, it’s very important for us to have our receiver switched on, so that we can activate a clear and precise understanding of our life, all other life and who we and all else that exists truly is. Chanting ‘Nam-myoho-renge-kyo’ helps us to achieve this, because it allows us to reach into the core of our enlightenment and switch it on. That’s because, as I mentioned before, the sound vibration of ‘myoho-renge-kyo’ represents the combination of the three major laws that underlie all existence. ‘Myoho’ represents the Law of latency and manifestation (Nature), and consists of two alternating states. One state of ‘myo’ is where everything in life that’s not obvious to us exists. This includes our stored memories when we’re not thinking about them, our hidden potential and inner emotions whenever they’re not being expressed, our desires, our fears, our wisdom, happiness, karma, and more importantly, our enlightenment. The other state, ‘ho’, is where everything in Life exists whenever it becomes obvious to us, such as when a thought pops up from our memory, whenever we experience or express our emotions, or whenever a good or bad effect comes forth from our karma. When anything becomes apparent, it simply means that it has come out of the state of ‘myo’ (dormancy/latency) and into a state of ‘ho’ (manifestation). It’s the difference between consciousness and unconsciousness, being awake or asleep, or knowing and not knowing something. The second law, ‘renge’, governs and controls the functions of ‘myoho’ – ‘ren’ meaning cause and ‘ge’ meaning effect. These two laws, ‘myoho’ and ‘renge’, work together simultaneously and underlie all spiritual and physical existence. The final and third part of the tri-combination, ‘kyo’, is what allows the law ‘myoho’ to integrate with the law ‘renge’. It’s the great, invisible thread of energy that fuses and connects together all Life and matter, as well as the past, present and future. It is often termed the Universal Law of Communication. Perhaps it could even be compared to the ‘string theory’ that some scientists now suspect exists. Just as our body cells, thoughts, feelings and all else are constantly fluctuating within us, everything in the world around us and beyond is also in a constant state of flux, in accordance with these three laws. In fact, more things are going back and forth between the two states of ‘myo’ and ‘ho’ in a single moment than it would ever be possible for us to calculate or describe. And it doesn't matter how big, small, important or trivial anything may appear to be, everything that’s ever existed in the past, exists now, or will exist in the future, exists only because of the workings of 'myoho-renge-kyo'. These three laws are also the basis of the four fundamental forces and if they didn't function, neither we nor anything else could go on existing. Simply put, all forms of existence, including the seasons, day and night, birth, death and so on, are moving forward in an ongoing flow of continuation, rhythmically reverting back and forth between the two states of ‘myo’ and ‘ho’ in accordance with ‘renge’ and by way of ‘kyo’. Even stars are dying and being reborn again in accordance with the workings of ‘myoho-renge-kyo’. ‘Nam’ is like a password or key; it allows us to reach deep within our life and fuse with or become one with ‘myoho-renge-kyo’. On a more personal basis, nothing ever happens by chance or coincidence, it’s the causes that we’ve made in our past, or are presently making, that determine how these laws function uniquely in each of our lives from moment to moment, as well as our environment. By facing east, in harmony with the direction that the Earth turns and rhythmically chanting ‘Nam-myoho-renge-kyo’ repeatedly for a minimum of ten minutes daily, any of us can gain actual proof of its effects in our life. By building up a force from within, it allows us to pierce through even the thickest layers of our karma and reach directly into the ultimate wisdom of our and all other life. Unlike the fantasy of a magic wand to make our problems vanish, chanting ‘Nam-myoho-renge-kyo’ awakens our innate wisdom and brings to the surface our hidden potential, a much clearer realisation and understanding of our good and bad karma, and positive ways that we can both cope with and change our negative circumstances into positive ones. It brings forth the wisdom that can free us from the ignorance and stupidity that is preventing us from accepting and being proud of who we truly are, regardless of our race, colour, gender or sexual preference. It also allows us to see and understand things outside of ourselves more clearly and, by way of the electromagnetic forces of which we are all a part, helps us to connect with, or draw towards us, any external circumstances or help that we need. Proof of this effect soon becomes obvious to anyone who chants ‘Nam-myoho-renge-kyo’ on a regular basis. Of course, the more sincerely we chant, the more powerful and faster its effect will be.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes.

However, let me be clear: I am not a trained or ordained Nichiren Buddhist in any order, and I cannot speak for their particular ‘requirements.’ That being said, the idea of ‘counting’ as your daily practice in the sense of a quota or obligation seems to fly in the face of what I understand to be the spirit of Nichiren’s Buddhism. SGI members, for one, ‘chant (only) to their heart’s content’: you don't owe it to anyone, but will likely get addicted and not want to miss your practice once you see what it can do for you, and wish to fortify your commitment to your goals.

Let me relay an anecdote from the British Nichiren Buddhist, Richard Causton’s book, about a young man deep in the life state of Anger with an uncanny ability to invite unprovoked fights, on a tube train in London:

“After a few seconds I realized that apart from a couple of people at the far end of the carriage, I was alone with a group of about a dozen youths. They were tearing up seats, writing graffiti and generally causing havoc. One of them started giving me dirty looks and then yelling abuse at me. That sparked off his friends. I didn't return his ugly expression and obviously didn't smile. They started vying with another, saying things like ‘Who's going to stab him?’ and ‘Who's going to take his money, then?’ I ran through various courses of action in my head. I’d actually studied karate for quite a while but I didn't want to slander their lives, or my own by being violent. The only thing to do was chant, not aloud but inside. Incredibly I could really feel Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo penetrating the environment. It wasn't a case of chatting with the attitude that “if this doesn't work now, perhaps it will next week” because it had to work right there and then, or I’d have been badly wounded, maybe even killed. Sure enough, within less than a minute, the youths completely change their tone. “Oh forget it,” they said and walked into the next carriage, probably to continue their vandalism in there. I found myself in situations like this nearly 10 more times and I always chanted to myself. Every time a violent situation occurred, I really had to chant with my whole life to change my karma, which was obviously so deeply rooted that I needed to go through these challenges to change it. But at some point I broke through.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Although that would be convenient, I don’t think that would technically count as your daily practice!

Even if you aren’t chanting nam myoho renge kyo in front of a gohonzon (which would be the ideal situation), it is meant to be chanted out loud. Nichiren states, “The voice does the Buddha’s work,” which is very true of this practice.

One translation of nam myoho renge kyo would be “Devotion to the mystic law of the Lotus Sutra.” I, however, have also heard it interpreted as “To dedicate one’s life to the mystic law of cause and effect through sound and vibration.”

The word renge literally means “lotus blossom,”; because it seeds and blooms simultaneously, the lotus flower represents the simultaneity of cause and effect. Thus, the sound of your voice when chanting this is a major component of the practice.

Nichiren Daishonin, whose writings are the basis of my practice, says that when we chant nam myoho renge kyo, in addition to manifesting our own Buddha nature, we also summon the Buddha nature of all Buddhas!

To quote him, “…when a caged bird sings, birds who are flying in the sky are thereby summoned and gather around, and when the birds flying in the sky gather around, the bird in the cage strives to get out. When with our mouths we chant the Mystic Law, our Buddha nature, being summoned, will invariably emerge.”

Therefore, to sum up, you really do need to chant out loud, even if quietly. If you’re on a bus trip, maybe chant, but not so loud that you would disturb others. Or, just wait until you have a chance to be separate from the group, and do your chanting then. (I know this can be tricky; I’ve experienced it.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Buddhism: Money

http://money.com/money/4009735/buddhism-money-lessons/

Buddhism: How Do I Develop a Consistent Practice?

http://www.togetherwechant.com/5-important-baby-steps-beginners/

http://www.togetherwechant.com/5-powerful-techniques-for-goal-setting/

https://www.worldtribune.org/2017/05/develop-consistent-practice/

https://www.worldtribune.org/2018/03/lessons-power-nam-myoho-renge-kyo/

https://www.worldtribune.org/2017/10/chanting-nam-myoho-renge-kyo-even-contains-limitless-benefit/

Buddhism: How to forgive someone who refuses to acknowledge they hurt you?

Source: Quora

According to Buddhism, how do you forgive someone who refuses to acknowledge they hurt you?

Buddhism says forgive thou enemies.

If you have been hurt for something, regardless of how you get hurt or regardless of who hurt you, it is because of your own karma. The karma is fair to the last drop hence if something happened or is happening to you, its a result of an action which you did just now or earlier in life. Best thing is to forget about who hurt you and think of why this happened to you.

Imagine you being scolded someone - let’s call that someone Person B. Now you are embarrassed and hurt because Person B scolded you, hence you cry. Now you understand what it feels to be scolded. Sometimes as a typical response, your mind will wish that the Person B should also get scolded, then and only then Person B will understand your situation.

So think for yourself now, if Person B gets scolded one day in a similar way the person B scolded you earlier and Person B happened to feel embarrassed and shy and eventually cry, is it fair or not? It is isn’t it?

Reality is similar. If something happened to you, know that you had done something similar to someone else hence the return, you get it the fair karma. Blame no one but yourself. It is hard to always think this way when you are hurt or heavily damaged as a result to someone else’s actions. But whether we like it or not, we have to admit it the truth behind why everything is happening to us (both good and bad)

If an individual understands this karmic law, it is very easy to forgive someone. For your reference I will post the cause and effect sutra roughly translated to English. It has examples of the effects which a cause will bring. .

Why in this life you have clothing in great variety? 
Because you have donated warm clothing to monks in your previous life.

Why in this life you have splendid food? 
Because you have donated food to the poor in your previous life.

Why in this life you are starving and clothless? 
Because you weretostingy to donate to charity in your previous life.

Why in this life you have houses and building? 
Because you have donated food to monasteries in your previous life.

Why in this life you are prosperous and happy? 
Because you have donated money to temples and public shelters in your previous life.

Why in this life you are pretty and handsome? 
Because you respectfully offered flowers to the Buddha's altar in your previous life.

Why in this life you are so intelligent and wise? 
Because you were a devout Buddhist and sober vegetarian in your previous life.

Why in this life you are liked by others? 
Because you have created good relationship with people in your previous life.

Why in this life husband and wife are faithful to each other? 
Because you have decorated temples with scrolls and tapestries to Buddha in your previous life.

Why in this life you both parents? 
Because you have respected and helped the lonely in your previous life.

Why in this life you are an orphan? 
Because you were a bird shooter in your previous life.

Why in this life you have many children? 
Because you have printed and distributed sutras in your previous life.

Why in this life a son dies young? 
Because you have committed killing by drowning a baby girl in your previous life.

Why in this life you are heir less? 
Because you have destroyed flowers habitually in your previous life.

Why in this life you enjoy longevity and good health? 
Because you set free sentient beings in your previous life.

Why in this life you are short-lived? 
Because you committed too many killings in your previous life.

Why in this life you have no spouse? 
Because you have committed adultery in your previous life.

Why in this life you are a widow? 
Because you have ill-treated your husband in your previous life.

Why in this life you have clear and good-sighted eyes?
Because you donated oil to light up the Buddha's altar in your previous life.

Why in this life you suffer from blindness? 
Because you have distorted truth and misled others in your previous life.

Why in this life you have wry mouth? 
Because you have intentionally blown out candles before Buddha's altar in your previous life.

Why in this life you are hunch back? 
Because you jeered at Buddha's followers in your previous life.

Why in this life you have disabled hands? 
Because you have committed evils with your hands in your previous life.

Why in this life you have lame legs? 
Because you were a robber in your previous life.

Why in this life you are born as a horse or an ox? 
Because you never paid your debts in your previous life

Why in this life you are born as a pig or a dog? 
Because you have deceived and harmed others in your previous life.

Why in this life you suffer from constant illness? 
Because you have offered meat to monks in your previous life.

Why in this life you are healthy? 
Because you have offered medicine to cure the sick people in your previous life.

Why in this life you are imprisoned? 
Because you have relentlessly committed evils in your previous life.

Why in this life you are starved to death? 
Because you have plugged snake pits and mouse holes in your previous life.

Why in this life you die of poison? 
Because you have intentionally poisoned a river or water source in your previous life.

Why in this life you are forlorn and friendless? 
Because you were unfaithful and deceitful to others in your previous life.

Why in this life you are born as dwarf? 
Because you have read and written sutra on the floor in your previous life.

Why in this life you spew blood? 
Because you have eaten meat while praying in your previous life.

Why in this life you are deaf? 
Because you have attended Buddhist' instructions with levity in your previous life.

Why in this life you are afflicted with ulcers? 
Because you have offered meat before the Buddha's altar in your previous life.

Why in this life you have bad body odor? 
Because you have sold incense with dishonesty in your previous life.

Why in this life you die by hanging yourself? 
Because you hunted animals by using ropes and nets in your previous life.

Why in this life you are bereft of a spouse? 
Because you have been unduly envious and jealous in your previous life.

Why in this life you are struck by lightning or burnt by fire? 
Because you have committed dishonest trading with customers in your previous life.

Why in this life you are wounded by beasts or snakes? 
Because you have created enemies in your previous life.

Whether you reap or you sow, if you suffer in hell, blame yourself for what you did in your previous life.

If you in this life recite the Cause and Effect Sutra 
You will be respected by many people in your next life.

If you in this life print and distribute the Cause and Effect Sutra free to all; 
You will become a leader to humanity in your next life.

If you doubt that eating vegetarian is cultivating charity 
Witness the happy and prosperous people around you.

It is good to cultivating giving to the Triple Gems; 
You will be rewarded in return.

If you carry the Cause and Effect Sutra; 
You will be free from disaster and calamity.

Do not think that the Cause and Effect Sutra is fallacious; 
It will manifest either immediately or later in your life.

If you spread the truth of the Cause and Effect Sutra 
You will be wise and intelligent in your next life.

You are a Minister or an Officer in this life; 
You gain the fruits because you cultivated pains in your previous life.

If you in this life insult the Cause and Effect Sutra; 
You are no longer a human being in your next life.

If in this life you transcribe the Cause and Effect Sutra; 
The generations will be smart scholars and live happily.

If you recite and act according to the Cause and Effect Sutra; 
Whatever you do will be witnessed by the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas.

It is impossible to exhaust the speaking of the Law of Cause and Effect; 
The fruit of a good deed will come in due course.

The good cause you have accomplished in your previous life will be the foundation of your good fortune.

The good cause you have accomplished in your previous life will be the foundation of your good fortune.

If you doubt the efficacy the Cause and Effect Sutra; see how Maugalyayana could save his mother from suffering.

The Cause and Effect must not be treated as small matter, The Buddha's words are truth, you must not slight

If people deeply believe in the Cause and Effect Sutra; this will bring them all together to the Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss.

What has their acknowledgement got to do with your forgiveness? You are looking for remorse? An apology?

There is the story of the two monks crossing a shallow stream. There is a pretty young lady that wishes to cross, but it would soil her pretty clothing. Monk A volunteers, picks her up, and carries her to the other side. The young lady thanks him graciously, and both parties go their separate way. In the meantime, monk B has been thinking, and fuming, and finally bursts out “How could you do that? We have taken vows of celibacy, yet you had your hands all over that woman, carrying her across.” Monk A: “Are you still carrying her? I dropped her off at this side of the stream.”

Forgiveness is for your benefit, not the other person’s. That being said, you would do well to arrange things so that they don’t have the opportunity to hurt.

I would like to quote German Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer here, a man whose philosophy most closely resembled the Buddhist teachings :

Schopenhauer: "I should be inclined to lay down the following rule: When you come into contact with a man, no matter whom, do not attempt an objective appreciation of him according to his worth and dignity. Do not consider his bad will, or his narrow understanding and perverse ideas; as the former may easily lead you to hate and the latter to despise him; but fix your attention only upon his sufferings, his needs, his anxieties, his pains. Then you will always feel your kinship with him; you will sympathise with him; and instead of hatred or contempt you will experience the commiseration that alone is the peace to which the Gospel calls us. The way to keep down hatred and contempt is certainly not to look for a man's alleged 'dignity,' but, on the contrary, to regard him as an object of pity."

So herein lies the Buddhist answer to forgiveness. The person who has hurt you, look at the pain he was in when he decided to hurt you like that, the terrible suffering he was in.

Look at yourself now. Look at the terrible pain you are in when you have these harsh feelings against him - He had the very same feelings for you when he decided to hurt you like that. Learn to see that and you will be able to see him the same as how you are now - A being in great suffering and you will develop great pity, sympathy and compassion towards your aggressor. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the Buddha’s teachings, interdependence plays a major role: no phenomenon has a separate existence; everything is conditioned by everything else. This applies not only to things and beings, but also to all our deeds, be they actions of the body, the tongue, or the mind (including both thoughts and feelings). In the light of this teaching we realize that a person’s deeds are never fully his or hers. They are conditioned by many factors that have deep roots. A person who hurts someone may be influenced by their genetic make-up, inherited temperament, upbringing, education, health or financial struggles, societal and cultural norms, and so on and so forth.

When we realize this infinite inter-connectedness, we find it easier to move towards forgiveness. There is a popular saying that “there is a reason for everything.” That is a half-truth at best: in fact, there are myriad reasons for everything. This understanding can lead us to recognize that someone’s hurtful actions are not entirely of the individual’s making. Had we been subject to the same set of conditions, it is quite plausible that we would have acted in the same manner. By looking deeply into the conditioning and sufferings of the one who has hurt us, we can understand how these have shaped his or her action. Then we are ready to forgive whether or not the “offender” is able to acknowledge his wrong-doing. True forgiveness springs from within—from our own Buddha Nature; it is not dependent on external factors.

The well-known story of the fellow who sets off in his rowboat on a foggy morning may serve as an illustration: He rows along peacefully when suddenly another boat crashes into his. He is about to shout at the stupid person who should have been paying attention, when he notices that the other boat is empty. It had apparently come off its moorings and was drifting aimlessly, propelled only by the wind. No other “self” can be found to blame.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

According to Theravada Buddhism,

How annoyance with someone can be removed

Loving-kindness, Compassion, Onlooking equanimity can be maintained in being towards a person with whom you are annoyed.

The forgetting and ignoring of a person with whom you are annoyed can be practiced.

'This good person is owner of his deeds, heir to his deeds, his deeds are the womb from which he is born, his deeds are his kin for whom he is responsible, his deeds are his refuge, he is heir to his deeds, be they good or bad.' This too is how annoyance with him can be removed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the Buddha’s teachings, you don’t forgive someone. You just acknowledge the hurt is due to causality and see it as it is. You don’t attach the event to a person as you don’t cling to the idea of Self.

If you don’t see that the hurting event is the person himself/herself, you don’t blame him/her. If you start off without blaming, there’s no need to forgive.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Special Characteristics Of Successful People

We see few people achieve success in no time in getting good job, salary and settle down in life so early. Are they different from common people? What’s special in them? This is surveyed by University of Melbourne, California. They brought out some important characteristics of winners.

*Many people think that they can be happy by getting success in career. But the truth is only happy people get success easily. We see many people hesitate to say ‘No’ to others. In some works; due to stress in job or personal reasons people feel shy to say ‘ No’ or feel like ‘I may not do this’ , ‘This is hard to do’, ‘I will think twice’. But successful people’s mindset is so straight that they will say the truth if they can’t do that job. Instead of carrying that stress; they will cut down that topic there itself.

* In discussions; winners react situationaly and share their views instead of talking more or unnecessarily. Same way few people compare themselves with others. But winners never do that. They compare them with selves and give appreciation for small victories also.

* It is also observed that people who do exercises at least twice a week are a bit ahead in society or career or education. As a result of exercises; physical and mental fitness, self confidence are naturally acquired. As a result they get a habit of appreciating others success without ego, helping others will become one of the notable characters.